Breaking The Flow, Gently

Most of us want to cooperate with others, to go with the flow of events--even expectations. For all our American valuation of individuality and independent thinking, of Emersonian self-reliance, what nurtures a functional community (a family, a team, a work group) is reciprocating with other people. We show our commitment by going along, and more than that by contributing. The thing is not to be passive, but to participate actively and constructively with others we respect or love. So what happens at a birthday party when we light candles, sing a song, and slice cake? Can we refuse a piece if we want to sidestep the calories--and if so is there a chance that the refusal will cause a tiny offense? It is possible. The question is not about cake, but about the many ways in which a person might, for good reasons, dislodge from the flow of expectations. To pursue our most ambitious and difficult goals we may need occasionally to navigate cross-current, even countercurrent. If we must disrupt things, can we do so with gentleness and respect? I think so. Learning how may be one facet of wisdom.